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The Gratuitous B-Movie Cavalcade Affair #488: Lionheart

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Van Damme December: Anniversary 2

Hello, everyone, and acceptable already afresh to the internets cine analysis cavalcade that has never had to activity anyone in an abandoned in-ground pool, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, affair cardinal four hundred and eighty-eight, Van Damme December continues with Lionheart, which was arise in aboriginal January 1991.

Lionheart

Lionheart, directed by the abundant Sheldon Lettich, may be brilliant Jean-Claude Van Damme’s best ardent movie, which seems awe-inspiring adage because Lionheart is about about the ailing apple of underground angry and the affluent assholes that bet on and date those fights. It’s the truth, though. Lionheart is brimming abounding of emotion, not to acknowledgment the ultimate “good guy” achievement from Van Damme. Yes, it additionally has affluence of fists, kicks, blood, about nudity, and able exhausted downs, which were no agnosticism the draw for activity cine audiences aback aback Lionheart was aboriginal released. But did audiences apprehend to airing out of the theatre with a agglomeration in their throat?

Lionheart has Jean-Claude Van Damme as Lyon Gaultier, a badass affiliate of the French Adopted Legion who decides to arid his assemblage and arch to the United States aback he finds out his brother has been actively afflicted (burned animate during a biologic accord gone actively wrong). Accepting to the U.S. is a behemothic affliction in the ass for Lyon as he has no friends, no money, and he has agents of the French Adopted Legion aggravating to acquisition him so they can booty him aback to his unit. Aback Lyon assuredly does get to the United States, to New York City specifically, he meets and eventually befriends Joshua (Harrison Page), a artery actuality who stages artery fights that added artery bodies activity on. Lyon bliss ass anon and, as a result, starts to accomplish some money. And Lyon needs money because his brother is on the west coffer and he has no way of accepting there. Money will advice him get there.

Now, it’s at this point that Joshua introduces Lyon to Cynthia (Deborah Rennard), a affluent woman who helps date big money underground fights. Cynthia brand Lyon in assorted means (she brand the way he fights and she wants to accept sex with him) and wants him as a actor in her underground activity scheme. Lyon agrees to best of Cynthia’s activity (he agrees to activity for her. He will not accept sex with her, though) and she takes him out to Los Angeles. Joshua goes along, too.

As anon as Lyon arrives in Los Angeles, he tries to clue bottomward his brother and his ancestors (Lyon’s brother has a wife, Helene, played by Lisa Pelikan, and a adolescent bairn called Nicole, played by Ashley Johnson). Unfortunately, Lyon doesn’t get a adventitious to say goodbye to his brother in actuality as he dies from his burns in the hospital. Lyon does try to affix with Helene, but she doesn’t appetite annihilation to do with him as she blames him for her husband’s afterlife (Lyon and his brother allegedly had absolutely the checky past). So what the heck is Lyon activity to do? Area is he activity to go? How is he activity to affix with his sister-in-law and adolescent niece?

Lyon has a plan. Well, he has array of a plan. With the advice of both Cynthia and Joshua, Lyon sets up a coffer annual that will authority all of Lyon’s activity winnings. Lyon will afresh cut checks to Helene beneath the guise of a appropriate abstruse allowance activity that Lyon’s brother had set up. Joshua will absolutely booty the checks to Helene himself. As continued as Lyon can accumulate acceptable fights and authoritative money, he can accumulate the affected allowance activity going. And as continued as Helene doesn’t get astute to the allotment Joshua is playing, Lyon will be able to accomplish apology for his not actuality there for his brother and he will be able to accommodate somewhat of a approaching for Helene and Nicole (Lyon will additionally be able to get Nicole a new bike, commodity she badly wants). Will Lyon’s plan work?

At first, yes, Lyon’s plan works. Cynthia finds him opponents, Lyon fights and defeats them (he beats a guy central an calm racquetball court. How generally do you see that affectionate of affair in a cine or in absolute life?), and Lyon sends Helene money, which she accepts. But afresh things alpha to change, and not for the better. Cynthia grows annoyed of her adjustment with Lyon as he continues to activation her advances. Lyon’s fights accumulate accepting harder and harder and there are times area it seems like he’s activity to lose (he doesn’t, but in the underground activity business who needs anxiety aback “sure things” are abundant added profitable). And the agents the Legion beatific afterwards Lyon apperceive area he is and intend to abduction him so they can accelerate him aback to his unit.

What the heck is Lyon activity to do? Will he be able to survive all of this and abide to abutment his brother’s family?

The final articulation of the cine has Lyon in the bigger activity of his underground angry career, demography on the belled Attila (Abdel Qissi), a bonafide analgesic that has a pet cat that he allegedly brings to all of his fights. You apperceive that Lyon is eventually activity to win the activity and arise out on top because Jean-Claude Van Damme is the brilliant of the movie, but there are moments area it looks like Van Damme’s Lyon ability not accomplish it out of the “ring” alive. Lyon enters the activity with burst ribs. How the hell can Lyon defeat a monster like Attila aback he’s not at 100 percent?

The fights in Lionheart are all able-bodied staged and exciting. There’s a nice antithesis accomplished amid Van Damme’s aggressive arts abilities and the assorted abilities of his opponents. Some of them arise to be aggressive artists aloof like him, while others are aloof gigantic boxy guys (you know, the affectionate of guys that could annihilate you with one bite because they’re aloof so massive). The fights are additionally adequately “realistic” looking. No one is aerial about on affairs or anything. There are additionally elements of pro angry in some of the fights, as Van Damme’s aboriginal “major” opponents is the Scotsman, a guy that shows up to the activity in a kilt and the accomplished thing. Do absolute accord underground artery fighters do that affectionate of thing? I agnosticism it, but it ends up actuality air-conditioned anyway.

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What afraid me about Lionheart is that it doesn’t accept a anatomy count. Yes, we’re told that Attila has dead bodies “in the ring” before, but we don’t absolutely see him annihilate them. Van Damme’s Lyon additionally doesn’t annihilate anyone in the arena or alfresco of it. Aren’t these underground fights declared to be “to the death?” Why isn’t anyone killing anyone in these things? Are the fights that Lyon beats secretly dead off screen? I mean, what the hell is activity on here? Do fighters in this barbarous underground activity apple absolutely accept the befalling to accomplish a career improvement in the accident they lose a activity at some point?

And why are these affluent bodies staging fights in public? Sometimes we see fights in parking garages, central a amphitheater of cars with their headlights on. Shouldn’t these affluent bodies be staging all of their fights in and on acreage they own? Yes, these affluent bodies could allegedly pay off any cops that appearance up, but why booty the adventitious of the cops assuming up at all? I don’t get that.

The movie’s music is a little awe-inspiring at first. It aloof seems amiss for the affectionate of cine Lionheart is. The music grows on you, though, and by the end you’ll acquisition yourself a bit bathetic eyed (I about didn’t accomplish it through the end credits). That doesn’t appear to me absolute generally with any movie.

Jean-Claude Van Damme bliss above ass as Lyon. He’s a deserter, sure, but, abysmal down, he’s a acceptable guy aloof aggravating to do the appropriate thing. And that’s all he absolutely wants to do. He doesn’t activity for the money so he can be rich. Lyon fights so his sister-in-law and niece can break in their apartment. He additionally refuses to break in the gilded accommodation endemic by Cynthia. He had annihilation but the clothes on his aback aback he came to America, yet he would rather break in a briefing architecture than adhere out in a affluence accommodation with a hot bairn cutting lingerie all of the time. The man has principles, man. Absolute ones. Van Dame’s emphasis is still appealing blubbery here, but you can accept aloof about aggregate he says and he shows that he can act aback he has to. He isn’t all fists and circuit bliss and shit. Absolutely one of Van Dame’s best performances. I adulation to basis for Lyon.

Harrison Folio is amusing as Joshua, the artery actuality /street activity apostle who ends up befriending Lyon and alive with him in Los Angeles. Joshua could accept been aloof a abhorrent mouthed trainer character, but Folio makes him a abysmal bottomward nice guy that you like and basis for. Yeah, Joshua is a little shady, but he’s additionally the abandoned guy accommodating to advice Lyon immediately. No one abroad was accommodating to do that. I anticipate you’ll like the way his appearance plays itself out.

Deborah Rennard does an accomplished job as Cynthia, the affluent underground activity apostle that agrees to sponsor Lyon. On the outside, Cynthia seems like a adamant but somewhat appropriate beastly being, at atomic at first. Aback she tries to put the moves on Lyon and Lyon rejects her, her appearance absolutely accouterment a bit and she becomes alike added ruthless. She additionally becomes absolutely abhorrent and unredeemable. It would accept been absorbing to see if Cynthia would accept been a “different person” had Lyon slept with her/been her “boy toy” in the apartment. How continued would it accept taken her to abound annoyed of him? Because you apperceive that’s what she would accept done. Rennard doesn’t get nude in the movie, but I will say that she knows how to bedrock some actively deficient underwear/lingerie.

Lisa Pelikan and Ashley Johnson both do a acceptable job as Helene and Nicole, Lyon’s sister-in-law and niece. Helene is agitated and still in aching aback she meets Lyon, and you accept why she doesn’t appetite to be about him. You don’t accede with her decision, but you accept it. As for Nicole, she’s adorable. Her affirmation on accepting a new bike is activity to accomplish you smile. She’s aloof a little bairn in a acrid apple aloof aggravating to eke out a moment of happiness. How can you basis adjoin her?

Brian Thompson shows up every so generally in the cine as Russell, Cynthia’s capital henchman. He’s a scumbag, yes, but he’s The Night Slasher and he looks like he’s the affectionate of guy that can get things done. I’m afraid he doesn’t get into nay fights of shoot anyone in this movie. Not alike once. That aloof seems strange.

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And be on the anchor for aggressive arts cine brilliant Billy Banks, who shows up as a Legionnaire in Africa. The Perfect Weapon’s Jeff Speakman is additionally allegedly in the cine (I didn’t see him but his name does pop up in the end credits). And Eric Karson, administrator of the Chuck Norris flick The Octagon, the Olivier Gruner activity flick Angel Town, and the Sho Kosugi/Van Damme flick Black Eagle, shows up briefly as a doctor that Lyon talks with. Gruner is thanked in the credits for some reason.

I absolutely admired Lionheart. It’s a sincere, ardent activity flick featuring brilliant Jean-Claude Van Damme at his finest. I’m not activity to say that if you aren’t hit with the feels afterwards watching Lionheart that there’s commodity amiss with you, but I will acquaint you that you charge to watch the cine afresh because you acutely watched it amiss the aboriginal time. Lionheart is great. One of Van Damme’s best.

See Lionheart. See it, see it, goddamn see it.

So what do we accept here?

Dead bodies: None (I’m not activity to calculation the guys that Attila allegedly kills on the video tape).

Explosions: None.

Nudity?: Yes. It’s not that affectionate of nudity, though.

Doobage: A biologic deal, cocaine snorting, an automatic gasoline bath, col “man-on-fire” gag, column hammering, mail call, knife about to the balls, aback of the arch slapping, beach to the face, knife through the hand, auto stealing, alternation articulation fence destruction, arid running, some austere acceptable anatomy odor, atramentous shoveling, baptize diving, artery fighting, sandwich hooey, added artery fighting, a mega exhausted down, a abandoned bite to the balls, a alternation of fights, awe-inspiring music, accessible intoxication, limo hooey, a clothes arcade montage, a accidental accomplishments artery arrest, guys on rollerblades, hot bairn in adult lingerie, a activity in a parking garage, deride to the eye, fireman’s carry, windshield smashing, attempted beheading via car radio antenna, a activity in an calm racquetball court, guy kicked through a bottle partition, accessible jogging, hot breed in bikinis, a activity in an abandoned pool, attempted drowning, added jogging, advance aqueduct to the face, VHS tapes, agriculture ducks, amphitheater hooey, mega gambling, clothes folding, a guy that absolutely looks like Ludwig Borga, burst ribs, a abandoned headbutt, duke crushing, a back-and-forth brawl, some absolutely bad accessible clapping, a abridgement of a big, final punch, and a blessed catastrophe that will accomplish you smile.

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Kim Richards?: None.

Gratuitous:Red underlines beneath every person’s name in the aperture credits, North Africa, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jean-Claude Van Damme in North Africa, Jean-Claude Van Damme beating posts into the arena for some reason, the French Adopted Legion, Jean-Claude Van Damme active abandoned in the desert, Jean-Claude Van Damme in New York City, Jean-Claude Van Damme angry bodies on the artery for money, Brian Thompson, a guy calling Jean-Claude Van Damme Lionheart, a homophobic attack, Jean-Claude Van Damme in Los Angeles, an asshole landlord, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Jean-Claude Van Damme’s ass, apples, affluent allegation adult lingerie, a Scotsman artery fighter that wears a kilt, pigeons. A new bike with training wheels, a doctor cogent Jean-Claude Van Damme that he should apprentice karate, a new blimp animal, Hostess artefact placement, Jean-Claude Van Damme spinning kids about on the playground, a pet cat, a final hug, and a blessed catastrophe that will accomplish you smile.

Best lines: “This is sugar! No shit. Yeah, no shit!,” “Neil! Neil! Neil! Neil!,” “I never gave up my family. Never,” “I charge to see my brother,” “You are a absolute asshole,” “Cover your head, Legionnaire!,” “Get that fucking jeep!,” “America,” “So who is activity to activity the abutting fight?,” “So who wants to booty on the lion?,” “Boy, you a bad motherfucker with that adopted shit!,” “Well, if it ain’t old Joshua,” “Are you abiding you appetite to blend up that face, handsome?,” “On Lionheart. All of it. And accumulate it amid us,” “Hey, Lion! Hey!,” “I don’t anticipate this is a acceptable time to ask my Mommy,” “I ambition it was aloof an old movie,” “It’s nice to accept friends, ain’t it?,” “You told him to bake my clothes?,” “You know, bodies in New York are still talking about your fight,” “Cynthia, I’m not your toy,” “I’ll do it,” “I charge to accessible a coffer account,” “Mommy, does this beggarly I can get a new bike?,” “Looked acceptable to me,” “Cynthia, you are one cold, ailing bitch, you apperceive that?,” “Helen, I swear, it’s not drugs!,” “Mommy, is he still a stranger?,” “And that’s why I can’t let you accept Lyon aloof yet,” “Can We. Watch?,” “Mr. Lionheart. Welcome,” “Confidence. That’s what I like to her, man. You apperceive what I’m saying?,” “Stay down, dammit! Break the fuck down!,” “Wrong bet!,” “Great fight, Lyo,” “You absolutely got heart, Lionheart,” and “I adulation you.”

Rating: 10.0/10.0**

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Things to Watch Out For This Week

–The Equalizer 2: This aftereffect was one of my “must see” movies for summer 2918. I absolutely admired the aboriginal one and couldn’t delay to see Denzel Washington booty out the bad guys already again. Allotment 2 isn’t as acceptable as the aboriginal one, but it’s still appealing abuse awesome. The fights (the activity central the car is candied as hell), Denzel’s big accent about active with what he’s done in his life, and Melissa Leo accepting in some hand-to-hand nastiness. And Orson Bean is in this movie, too. Yes. Orson Bean. Hopefully this isn’t the aftermost Robert McCall adventure.

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–Peppermint: This activity flick starring Jennifer Garner should be a badass cine watching experience. Garner is acceptable at action, the director, Pierre Morel, did Taken and From Paris With Love, and the adventure seemed solid. Woman wants animus on the bent scumbags that dead her family. Who wouldn’t appetite to watch that? The absolute movie, though, the absolute Peppermint, is a mess. There isn’t abundant activity in it, for one thing. And what’s the accord with Morel not assuming us Garner’s Riley North killing the bad guys? She should be accomplishing that in every anatomy of the movie. Peppermint has its moments and affluence of potential, but, in the end, it’s aloof not as acceptable as it should be. Still account seeing, though. Rent it.

–Silent Night, Deadly Night Allotment 2 Collector’s Edition: Okay, so the accomplished association at Shout! Factory/Scream Factory are absolution this archetypal bit of batty 1980’s slasher abhorrence “perfection,” but I’m not absolutely abiding if it’s absolutely advancing out this week. The Shout! Factory website says that there was some array of accomplishment absurdity bearing this disc and, as a result, it may not be accessible at the moment. Still, if and aback it does get released, the set will be account it for the appropriate appearance (there’s a annotation clue with the administrator and bags of featurettes). That’s why I appetite to get this release. Scream Factory arise the aboriginal Silent Night, Deadly Night on Blu-ray aftermost year. Will we get a Blu-ray Collector’s Edition in 2019 of allotment 3, Bigger Watch Out?

–Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Abutting Generation Collector’s Edition: Shout! Factory/Scream Factory has been aggravating to absolution this Blu-ray Collector’s Edition for the aftermost few months, but assorted delays accept prevented the aggregation from accomplishing so (the awning had to be afflicted because it featured both Mathew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger and that allegedly can’t appear for some reason). Well, now all of those acknowledged issues assume to be bound and the Blu-ray is assuredly accepting released. The release, as expected, is abounding of appropriate features, including a annotation clue with writer/director Kim Henkel and assorted account featurettes with bodies complex in authoritative the movie. The Abutting Generation is okay, maybe a bit too awe-inspiring for its own good, but it’s account seeing at atomic already aloof to say that you saw it. And the appropriate appearance assume alarming (that Henkel annotation clue is a charge listen, no question).

–Ice Chrism Man: The accomplished association over at Vinegar Syndrome are absolution this batshit batty low account abhorrence flick starring Clint Howard as a analgesic ice chrism man. It’s gory, it’s unsettling, and it’s freaking hilarious. It additionally has Jan Michael Vincent in it. How abounding low account abhorrence flicks can say they accept that activity for them? This is a Blu-ray/DVD admixture pack, and it has affluence of air-conditioned appropriate features, including the old Monstervision/Joe Bob’s Summer School segments from aback this cine aired on TNT. That’s abuse cool. Any Ice Chrism Man admirers out there?

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Do you like Cult TV?

The 1970’s TV abstruseness Kolchak: The Night Stalker is aboriginal up! Analysis out what I anticipate about the appearance with the links below!

Affair #1 Affair #2 Affair #3 Affair #4

… and advancing soon: Artery Hawk!

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B-Movie News

–What the heck is activity on with the Jesse V. Johnson directed activity ensemble Triple Threat?: Triple Threat, of course, is the big hooha ensemble activity flick featuring Scott Adkins, Michael Jai White, Tony Jaa, Tiger Chen, Mike Bisping, and Iko Uwais. Activity cine nerds accept been cat-and-mouse to see this back it was appear that it was actuality made. That was over a year ago. So what the heck is the deal? Area is Triple Threat? Well, via a adventure I saw over at The Activity Elite, administrator Jesse Johnson answered that absolute catechism on Facebook. Apparently, the cine can’t be arise “in the West” until its gets a absolution in China first, as a Chinese company/group adjourned it.

So we accept to delay until China releases it. And aback will that be? Who the heck knows? Johnson doesn’t assume to accept any advice apropos aback that will happen, so we aloof accept to achievement that it happens in 2019. And, obviously, aback that happens, the blow of the apple can see it.

I mean, analysis out the bivouac below. Why wouldn’t you appetite to see it? Why?

–Legendary Entertainment to accomplish a Toxic Avenger movie?: Yes, allegedly this is activity to happen, at atomic that’s what the accomplished association over at Bloody Disgusting are reporting. It’s activity to be a accommodate of the aboriginal cine (the abundant Lloyd Kaufman is aggravating to get a fifth cine in the authorization made. He’s been aggravating to do that for years now). What array of cine will this accommodate be? Will it be a austere array of superhero movie? Will it be a sendup of the superhero genre? Will it be a abhorrence comedy? Will it be as aweless as the original? And who the hell is activity to absolute it?

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And, really, is this absolutely activity to happen? Toxie remakes accept been appear assorted times now (one of them was set to absorb Ahnold Schwarzenegger in some capacity) and none of them happened. Why would this accommodate advertisement absolutely advance to something? I assumption we’ll get a bigger faculty of what this accommodate absolutely is in the abutting few days.

And maybe we’ll acquisition out added about Kaufman’s own allotment 5. I mean, that’s got to appear at some point, doesn’t it?

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Check out my Widow’s Point set appointment report!

Read it here!

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Who is the Douchebag of the Week? Go actuality and acquisition out!

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Next Issue: Van Damme December continues with Universal Soldier co-starring Dolph Lundgren!

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Interviews

david j. moore Jino Kang Vladimir Kulich Paul Mormando Michael Matteo Rossi Tyrone Magnus Hector Barron Jeffrey Orgill Michael Baumgarten R. Marcos Taylor Don “The Dragon” Wilson Paul Kyriazi Eric Jacobus Juju Chan Luke LaFontaine Marco Siedlemann Sam FirstenbergAmariah Olson Alexander Nevsky Mathias Hues Kristanna Loken Steve Mitchell Albert Pyun Brad Thornton Mathieu Ratthe Damien Power Kelsey Carlisle Mike Dwyer Nicholas Bushman Brahim Achabbakhe Etcetera Richard LeMay Andrew David Barker Cynthia Rothrock Leslie Simpson C. Courtney Joyner Eric Miller Alexander Nevsky (2) Christopher Lawrence Chapman James Mark Casper Van Dien Chris Mark James E. Wilson Barry Hunt Vincent J. Roth Mathew Ziff Brandon Tyler Russell Barry Hunt (2) Lobsang Tenzin Dylan Reynolds Paul Kyriazi(2) Lincoln Bevers Nassasin Nuri Hannah Janssen Harry Mok Daniel Roebuck Sage Croft Stephen van Vuuren Cheryl Wheeler Sanders Eric Jacobus (2) David William No Nicholas Verdi Luke LaFontaine (2) Roger Yuan Dominik Starck Tamas Nadas Tyler Savage Robert McGinley Tim Gouran Billy Ray Brewton Leo Scherman Harley Di Nardo Jino Kang(2) Alexander Nevsky (3) Steve Latshaw Rick Hurst Douglas Burke Jeff Farley

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Well, I anticipate that’ll be about it for now. Don’t balloon to assurance up with disqus if you appetite to animadversion on this commodity and any added 411 article. You apperceive you appetite to, so aloof go do it.

B-movies rule. Always bethink that.

Lionheart

Jean-Claude Van Damme– Lyon GaultierHarrison Page– JoshuaDeborah Rennard– CynthiaLisa Pelikan– Helene GaultierAshley Johnson– Nicole GaultierBrian Thompson– RussellAbdel Qissi– Attila(check out the blow of the casting here

Directed by Sheldon LettichScreenplay by Sheldon Lettich and Jean-Claude Van Damme, based on a adventure by Jean-Claude Van Damme and an beforehand cine by S.N. Warren

Distributed by Universal Pictures, MCA/Universal Home Video, Universal Studios Home Entertainment, and MVD Entertainment

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Rated R for graphically agitated activity scenes, able language, and abrupt nudity.Runtime– 108 minutes

Buy it actuality or here

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