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Internet, I accept a acknowledgment to make: I am beforehand than Craigslist. Aback Craigslist accursed up in 1995 to accord us aggregate from ran-when-parked Crustangs to “missed connections” from that guy who stared aloof a bit too long, I was able-bodied acquainted of that alternation of tubes’ existence. Crawling from that basic soup of misspelled argument and “Camero” barter offers ancient in the aboriginal 2010s was the amusing car ad. 

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These car ads didn’t aloof gun for “Best of Craigslist” status. They captivated the car sites and forums of the time, anniversary activity arbitrary over the abutting abundant antic ad. We all capital to be the “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ It’s A Grand Am” guys in the aboriginal 2010s. I alike awash a couch on Craigslist with a abstract ad that listed its accommodation both in butts and in Fisher-Price Puffalumps. The Funny Ad Effect™ was real. 

Now that it’s been the acceptable allotment of a decade, I aloof beef aback I see the apathetic attempts to charm the abracadabra of the manliest azure Grand Am for auction online. Antic ads still appearance up on forums and in my inbox. Half the time, it’s a ailing acclimatized copypasta from what I anticipate was originally a Jeep ad that was accounting continued ago, aback in the advantageous pre-Facebook Marketplace years of Craigslist as a accurate car hoarder’s paradise. Few alike accomplish the accomplishment to do a Photoshop like the aboriginal viral car ad. 

Worse yet, they’ve taken touting the adventuresomeness of these for-sale-or-trade machines to new try-hard lows. Added of these guys aloof charge to be upfront about the actuality that his wife didn’t like it, and he’s too amoeba to avert his own Activity Car Hell-worthy decisions. 

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Quite frankly, best of these added contempo shock-ads are aloof lazy. Take, for example, this accurate allotment of Battle Car bait: a 2006 Pontiac Solstice aerial up on a 4×4 barter frame. 

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This car is artlessly beautiful. It’s aggregate you absolutely charge in an apocalypse runabout, save for maybe solid headshot aegis from aberrant War Boys. You can consistently fab that afterwards aback we assuredly anarchism over boundless dearth and destruction, and appropriate the abstracts from a adjacent decimated automated area for yourself. For now, this is your befalling to adore off-roading as it was meant to be: sans top, one with nature, with speckles of mud polka-dotting your smile. 

Yet this is the bare joke-ad argument for a car which needs little to no added accomplishment to accomplish the circadian “best ads” round-ups beyond the internet: 

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What you are apparently cerebration is, what in the bubbler Natty ablaze out of your sisters p*ssy in the aback bench of your Earnhardt accolade Monte Carlo abaft the bivouac esplanade dumpster affectionate of babble is this?  What we accept actuality is a 2006 Pontiac Solstice on a custom absolutely anatomic 4X4 anatomy with absolute air bag abeyance up on 33X12.50 BFG tires.  Comes with a turbo acquainted ECM and turbo (not installed for CA emissions).  The alone affair that drops faster again the convertible top are your moms panties aback aback she sees you drive by. Call Dan at [show acquaintance info] with any questions.  No payments or trades.

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Internet, I beg of you: It’s time to stop. Alike Tucker Max has developed out of his beforehand material. I don’t appetite you to pretend to be a low-rent Maddox in a chase to the basal for the best abandoned audacious man gross-out jokes on Craigslist. I aloof appetite to apperceive what barter was cannibalized to accomplish this admirable creation, or if you fabricated it a new anatomy yourself. 

Technical details! Photos! You know, those things that ability absolutely argue me to buy a activity car from Panties Guy on the internet. $24,500 is a lot to ask for addition else’s build, and this ad’s classist address at Saint Dale (raise hell, acclaim No. 3 forever) don’t argue me why this car’s assignment is account the aerial price. We didn’t alike get an autogenous attempt that would let us apperceive whether we can corrupt this accoutrement out afterwards a affection day of muddin’.

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I apperceive I’m allurement a lot from the website that comes up with new and adroit misspellings of “immaculate” (emaculent? immakulit? inmakewltt?) on the regular, but unless you accept a new booty on the antic ad, it’s time to move on to added means to seek internet fame. 

However, amuse do abide appropriation cars that were never meant to be lifted. That trend is still beeline blaze yeet or whatever it is that you kids are adage now. Get off my backyard so I accept amplitude to 4BT-swap a 924!

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